all they wanted to do was to soar as high as they could

& they will soon grow up to realise that when you're a child,
you have dreams as big as the ocean & as you age, it gets smaller.
cause you'll do stuffs that will drastically affect your future.

& this was also taken after an intense event at home where the 4 of us took our bikes
& lost ourselves to the world outside. cause the only one who really understood the implications
was syirah & i.

though we won't admit it, maybe taking the younger ones out will help
them forget whatever happened back home. though they seem to be doing a good job of it now.

how can you sleep, how can you breathe,
tell me how, how you love me now?

i'm feeling pretty restless.
cause im not too sure what the fuck is happening right now.
& ferhan kept urging me to ask. but how? cause that'll be a fucking awkward conversation.

i'm tired.
& i'm stress. & i broke down over the phone (& stupidly thought it wasn't obvious)
'don't cry anymore can? just take one step at a time'
'im not crying!' (can sound very indignant somemore, know!)
'oh, please! i know you very well.'

now, fashanu, how do one take one step at a time when everything is happening all at once?
tsk. how come you never tell me this?

& to those people whose debts i can never repay, (i know you dont read this & feverantly hope you dont but i just need to write & write & feel better) i like to hope & this time i hope that things will be a-okay. & that no one rushes off anywhere to do anything stupid only to regret it later in the future.

& haven't you heard?
secrets...nothing eats away at love faster than a secret
-inkdeath

& i'm pretty sure, that love has to exist somewhere between.
maybe if you search for it hard enough, you'll find it again.
cause now, i dont know if you ever had it cause ive never witness it.

g'night.